Blah!

Well this sucks! I gained 2.4 pounds this week. So I totally undid all the good I did last week. I'm so pissed at myself. I don't know what's wrong with me. Why do I always do this? Why do I always choose junk food over healthy? Why do I always seem to overeat? This week I used my period as a reason to overeat. And I shouldn't. I'm trying to do well.

...sigh

All I can do is try to do better this week. I start back to work tomorrow. I should be able to control myself more at work. When I'm working I seem to just eat what I bring with me. So if I bring healthier food that's all I'll eat. I'll just make sure I don't bring cash with me so I can't sneak up to the cafeteria for some puff wheat cake or something equally as bad!

Wish me luck.

Bad Day!

I had such a bad day yesterday - food wise. I don't know why... but every time I get my period I just have the urge to stuff my face. :( And yesterday - for some reason - I did just that.

I did get off on a good start today though. I got up at 5:45 am. (I forgot to set my alarm, but I still managed to wake up early) Then I went to Curves and worked out. I'm going to eat better today.

I did really good shopping yesterday. I found a tonne of nice work clothes. I had no trouble finding nice pants. (That's very rare for me). And I found some really nice tops to go with them. I'm all set for work next week.

When I go back to work, I'm going to have to get up at 5:30 am. This way I'll be able to work out before I go to work and still have time to get Logan ready for daycare.

It's been a while...

Well, it's been a while since I posted on here. And I have to admit that I haven't been doing too well lately. I've been eating foods I definitely shouldn't, but I have managed to control my portions.

After all that, I would have expected that I would have gained some weight. But to my happy surprise I actually lost 2.2 pounds this week! Portion control is a huge part of that. But when I saw that loss on the scale on Monday I couldn't help thinking, "Imagine how much I would have lost if I had eating properly!"

I'm going to try harder to stay on track this week.

I've had a lot going on in my life lately. I started my little boy at daycare last Friday. That was a lot harder on me than it was on him. Daycare was much easier yesterday though. I'm starting him off slowly so that we can both get used to it. I have to go back to work next Tuesday, and I'm not looking forward to it!

Today I have to go shopping for work clothes... ugh! I like shopping for clothes when I've lost a couple of sizes. I'm not at the point yet, unfortunately. Hopefully I'll be able to find some nice clothes that fit me well. And hopefully I'll have to go and re-buy my wardrobe in a couple of months b/c the clothes that I bought today will be too big! :)

Wish me luck shopping!

Not too bad...

I haven't posted in my blog for about a week. I've been too busy. A friend of mine flew into town to surprise me for my 30th birthday. I was so shocked and happy to see her. She stayed from Friday until Wednesday. Then on Friday, I flew out to visit her. :) During that whole time I wasn't eating my normal healthy diet. I was eating a lot of sweets and going out to a lot of restaurants. However, I was able to watch my portions and I never overate. In the past I would eat until I was bursting. This time, I was more conscious of when I was full and I made sure I stopped eating... no matter how tasty my food was. :) That's a big thing for me. In the past, I always seemed to have trouble stopping!

The best part of all this was what I saw on the scale this morning. I was actually DOWN 0.2 pounds. Which isn't a lot.. but when you consider my diet for the last week, that is amazing! It definitely helps me stay more focused. I am going to lose this weight! I can do it. AND I can eat treats every once in a while and I know that I'll be able to control myself. Control is a big thing for me! I'm definitely making steps in the right direction this time. :)

This is hard!

I have company over and we're eating sweets and going out for supper. It's getting very hard to stay on track. I am still choosing healthier alternatives and not eating as many sweets as I would in the past, but I am eating more than I would like.

I have to keep my mind focused on my goal!

I didn't go and exercise this morning. I was pretty exhausted since I didn't go to bed until 1 am and I have to get up to exercise at 6:30 am. I need to go to the gym before my husband has to leave for work.

I will go and exercise tomorrow!

What a Weekend!

Before I start talking about my weekend, I have to say that I lost 5.8 pounds this week! I did so great. I was really good. I didn't follow the diet all the time, but I didn't fall off the wagon either. I just restrained myself!

This weekend was my 30th birthday party. And I had the best surprise. My friend from out of town showed up at my party unexpectedly. I was so shocked. I swear that my jaw dropped open. The party was a big success too. There was a tonne of food, candy and cake. However, I ate a small portion of dinner and I only ate a little bit of candy and a small piece of cake. I did have a lot to drink, but I don't do that very often. So I was most impressed with how I controlled myself. Usually I use parties as an excuse to pig out!

I did get a lot of exercise this weekend. I was running around like a mad woman trying to get the house cleaned up in time and all the food cooked.

This last week was a really good week. I think it'll help keep me on track for this week as well. :)

I had the best dream last night!

I was out shopping for clothes, but I was at the weight I am now. When I was at the store some nameless good looking guy was helping me find clothes. He kept giving me clothes that were a regular size small. I said, "There's no way this is going to fit." He said, "Try it on anyway." So I went into the change room and took off my clothes and put the new ones on. And to my shock they fit. I looked in the mirror and I looked great. I wasn't fat anymore, I was at my goal weight. My stomach was flat! My arms weren't chubby anymore and my face was thin! I felt so happy. That happy feeling followed me out of the dream.

I think this new healthy eating lifestyle is agreeing with me!

Oh, I shouldn't have...

Last night I had a piece of ice cream cake. I shouldn't have had it. And my body agreed with me. I spent part of the night in the bathroom. I guess my body got used to the healthy eating and the ice cream cake didn't agree with me. That's a good thing though. Now I won't be tempted to go and eat the rest of it! :)

Overall, I did pretty well yesterday. I was only 57 calories over my maximum calories of 1600 a day. Which over all is pretty good. I was way over on my carb intake though. I'm trying to have a max of 130 grams of carbs a day. Yesterday I had 179 grams of carbs thanks to the ice cream cake. It's hard to believe that there is 60 carbs in one serving of ice cream cake.

I find that reading the nutritional information helps deter me from eating foods I shouldn't. In the past I always turned a blind eye to the nutritional information. I really didn't want to know how bad a food was for me. Now reading it helps prevent me from eating the food. Or if I really want to eat it, then at least I watch the amount I eat and make sure I'm only eating the recommended serving.

I still didn't meet my water goal yesterday. :P I'll try again today. I don't know why I'm having such a hard time drinking all the water I should.

Another day...

Well, I did pretty well yesterday. My hubby brought home my favorite from Luigi's last night for my birthday supper. Agnolotti in Gigi sauce. Unfortunately I ate the whole thing. But I did really well for the rest of the day, so I don't feel so bad. If I don't treat myself once in a while, I'm going to fall off the wagon.. and hard.

I didn't meet my water goal yesterday. So I'll try again today.

I started today off on a good note. I got up at 6:30am and went to Curves. I'm really trying to go a minimum of 3 times a week. I'd really like to work it up to 5 times a week before I go back to work in March. I don't want to set my goal too high. I figure if I start off slow then I have a better chance of achieving my goal.

OMG... I'm 30!

Well, today is my 30th birthday. I can't believe I'm 30. That kind of freaks me out. But I'm actually handling it really well today. I feel the same as yesterday and I don't have any extra wrinkles and my boobs aren't hanging by my knees. :) So I guess I don't anything to freak out about. :)

I'm going to try my best to follow my eating plan for today. I'll probably be eating something with higher calories for supper tonight since my husband will be "cooking" me supper. He actually doesn't cook. Not since he flooded the kitchen when he was making toast. (I'm not kidding.. he actually did that) I'm not sure what he'll be bringing home for supper tonight. I did ask him not to buy any chocolates though. So hopefully I'll be able to stay on track.

I did pretty well yesterday. I didn't drink all the water I was supposed to. I only had 6 cups of water instead of the 8 that was my goal. But I did do better yesterday than I did the day before... so I guess that's something. I'm going to try and do the 8 glasses of water today though. :)

I Survived Day One!

Well, I did it! I survived my first day!

I didn't find it too bad until after supper. After supper my husband was commenting on how he had a chocolate craving. Which made me have a chocolate craving. And on top of that, I needed to go to the store to pick up some milk. That by itself is fine, but I had to walk by all the Valentine's day chocolates! But, I'm proud of myself. I managed to get out of the store with only the things I intended to buy. That's a HUGE step for me. In the past I wouldn't hesitate to buy a bag of chocolate hearts.

I did end up having a snack when I got back home because I felt so hungry. But I ended up eating some green grapes, which is much better than the alternative.

Goal for Today: Drink at least 8 glasses of water. I didn't do that yesterday. I'm very bad for drinking all my water. I'm going to fill a 2 litre jug and place it in the fridge. This way I can track how much water I'm drinking too!

My Long, Rambling Journey

I decided to start this blog to help me with my weight loss. I figured the best way for me to start would be to lay out how I ended up where I am today.

I've been overweight for most of my life. My first memory of being overweight was when I was in grade 6. I remember the other girls at school teasing me. I have vivid memories of me standing on the bathroom scale and crying over the numbers I saw there. I wanted to be pencil thin like the other girls in my class. That's when my life of dieting began.

For almost every important moment of my life, I can remember the number I saw on the scale. When I graduated from high school I weighed 180. In my second year of university, I jumped up to 220. When I moved out of my parents house I weighed 255. When I got married I weighed 268. When I got pregnant I weighed 270. The highest weight I ever saw on the scale was 311. But that was when I was pregnant.

I've lost so much weight on every diet I've tried. But I always gain it back and then some.

I think all the dieting I did has lead me to this point. As of this morning, I weigh 290 pounds. That's not my all time high, but it's darn close. I always start off diets with the best of intentions and I usually do pretty well for a month or two. But then something always happens to throw me off. And when I fall off the dieting wagon, I fall hard. I binge myself on sweets and I overeat. Then all the hard work I did is gone. Then I'm even more depressed than I was to begin with.

I'm trying something different this time. I'm going to track everything I eat and the amount of water I drink. Having it written down should help me be more conscious of what I'm eating. I've been too quick in the past to just shove the food in my mouth without thinking about what I'm doing. I'm also hoping that this blog will help me. Maybe being able to put my feelings down somewhere will help stop be from trying to drown my sorrows with food.

This time I'm technically not dieting. I decided, after years of experience, that dieting is not the way to lose weight. I need a lifestyle change. So I've come up with a balanced, healthy diet that I'm going to combine with exercise. I need to have a healthy lifestyle, not only for myself, but for my son. I don't want him to have the same bad habits I have.

I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in my family about my weight problem. They wouldn't understand. Everyone in my family is thin. I'm the black sheep in that regard. I don't know why I've been struggling with food. My hope is that by venting here, I'll be able to see a pattern to what I'm doing.

This is the start of my Journey to the Thin Side. :)